" I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. "
- Woody Allen
" Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation. "
- Ricky Van Veen
" I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school. "
- J. Cole
" I think on 'Third Watch' that I was the comic relief on a lot of that. I mean, I definitely had dark moments, but people tended to think he was funny even if the character himself wasn't having a fun time. "
- Jason Wiles
" There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. "
- Lewis Black
" I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed. "
- Dave Chappelle
" When humor can be made to alternate with melancholy, one has a success, but when the same things are funny and melancholic at the same time, it's just wonderful. "
- Francois Truffaut
" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "
- Wilson Mizner
" Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. "
- Robert Orben
" Our characters act silly, even totally ridiculous at times, and most of our jokes don't come out of pop cultural references. It seems like we're aiming at a child audience, but everyone can laugh at the basic human traits that are funny. It's playful, the humor is playful, the world is playful. You can kind of let go. "
- Stephen Hillenburg
" I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. "
- Herb Caen
" Every photograph is the photographer's opinion about something. It's how they feel about something: what they think is horrible, tragic, funny. "
- Mary Ellen Mark
" It's funny, I listen to friends who talk about back when they were 14, eight, 16, whatever, as if it was yesterday. Me, I've no idea what I did. It's all a blur, I'm afraid. "
- Catherine McCormack
" Two things I really wanted to be: a stand-up comic or a New York Yankee - or a really funny New York Yankee. "
- Billy Crystal
" It would be pretty funny to see a Beverly Hills white girl with mad rap skills. "
- Tori Spelling
" Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. "
- Bill Maher
" God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones. "
- Jerry Lewis
" I used to sneak up to the 8th floor and watch Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo rehearsing 'Saturday Night Live' and could only wonder if I would ever have the chance to be funny. It took me five years to go up the two stories, but it is such a sense of fulfillment to be able to show what I can do on national television. "
- Dana Carvey
" I'm not a fan of any genre but am a fan of movies that are intelligent and/or funny. That goes across all genres: a horror movie, a zombie movie, alien invaders, chick flick, or raunchy comedy. If it's well done, I'm a fan. "
- J. K. Simmons
" I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. "
- Shaquille O'Neal
" Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke. "
- John Krasinski
" Kevin Hart. He's the man! I like his style. He's short, so I can relate. All the stories he tells are real. I respect that, and he's just a really funny dude - great comedy instincts. To do stand-up on a stage for an hour and tell stories and make people laugh is incredible. "
- Cameron Boyce
" Funny how words in one language get used in another language. For example, 'scotch' in Russian is tape and 'pampers' means diapers. "
- Sunita Williams
" I can apply myself to the format of 'SNL,' I can apply myself to the format of 'Conan,' but at the same time, I'm still being J. B. Smoove. I'm not changing up my style, I'm not changing up how I think, what's funny to me, my delivery, the way I carry myself. "
- J. B. Smoove
" The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. "
- Jay Leno
" Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. "
- P. G. Wodehouse
" Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it. "
- Norman Douglas
" You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. "
- Katie Nolan
" The Midwest breeds funny, eccentric people, to varying degrees. You play shows not because you're expecting to get a record deal, but to do something fun outside of mowing lawns. Everything else is just gravy... Or mustard. "
- Patrick Carney
" I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. "
- Paula Poundstone